Surviving the Holiday Season

This holiday season feels like the longest ever. Most people say "it's the most wonderful time of the year," but unfortunately I beg to differ. I feel like I am completely in survival mode, which means I'm protecting my heart, going through the motions, and doing the best I can. The constant ache of my heart is enough to put me in a tizzy. It's because,

I keep it all in and try to push forward. Sometimes I just can't stand the pain, and have to just cry. It's pretty exhausting to have to cry all the time, and that's why I keep it in. Even the simplest thing can set me off and remind me of her. Lately I've been so sad wishing Syd was here to dress-up, run up and down the hallway, and dance around the house. It's just not right, and not fair. 

I'm in survival mode to the end of the year, and can't wait for the New Year. 

No matter how hard I try it's going to take time. I get by knowing that Syd didn't suffer. She's now with us everyday, and does all she can to sparkle on.

I believe what I have to so I can survive. Lately my heart is a mess, and I'm doing all I can to stay above water. It's sure not easy, and I have learned that is ok.