Saturday, August 1, 2015

The Unknown Sparkle

I'm sure there are times in our lives where we just don't understand "why" something happens. We often make ourselves crazy at times trying to rack our brains to find an answer. In those moment when your brain is going 1000 mph you often stop and realize that there really is "no answer" its the "unknown" reason and it just happened. 
I've written over 100 blog entries but today is probably the hardest by far. It's been over 4 months since our baby girl Sydney had unexpectedly passed away, and left us all heartbroken. I often question and don't understand "why" something so perfect was taken away from us? She wasn't sick and was healthy? How does this tradgedy happen to such a perfect little girl, her family, and all the loved ones she touched. 
I've said it from the beginning. "this just doesn't happen" and "there not going to find anything I would tell everyone".
I've been a very public person since Sydney has passed away and have really nothing to hide, because I know that as parents we did all  could for Sydney and continue to do for Logan.
Many people are often are curious as to "what happened to Sydney" or "why did she pass away so soon". I've been a firm believer in the fact that they would "never really know" or it would be something so little that they just don't "undestand". 
Yesterday was a very big day as we met with a few people to go over Sydneys results. After 4months we might have some "closure"; however I just had this gut feeling walking in that they might not. It was so hard to relive the night she passed away, and open up this wound that's been trying to heal. After deep discussion the answer was "they just don't know" it was "unexplained". The doctors said they thought they might have a few little things, but nothing was significant enough. 
I said out loud, "of course you don't know? This just doesn't happen". As we left the room I felt a sense of ease. I think I just knew what was coming. I'm not embarrassed to share how I feel. 
All I know is she just didnt suffer. It was like my little angel came into this world and decided on March 19th to just fly away and spread that sparkle to everyone she knew and didn't know. Sydney was destined to do great things, and spread a legacy far and wide.
As we try to move on one day at a time my hope is that Sydneys story will help other families. There are only a few cases  of unexplained related to Sydney in this world. Unfortunately studies will continue, but we might never really know. Maybe they will come up with a "sparkle gene" in a few years; however, until that moment happens we just continue to remember. The emotions are real and the pain still is so strong; however, I know more than ANYTHING in this world that she is watching over us. I have to be strong for Logan and Shane. I have a mission to uphold, and lots of sparkle to spread . I'm going to take Sydneys story and help others. Sydney would be so proud, and as we take one day at a time, and realize it was "unexplained" it makes me want to spread that "sparkle" even more. Sparkle on baby girl Sparkle on!!!!

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