Monday, August 3, 2015

The struggle to be strong

Sometimes I often put myself in situations that used to be "normal" like going to a birthday party, and enjoying time with others; yet, I forget that things are really not as "normal" as they used to be. 
Things have obviously changed in the last 4 months. It's been an emotional rollercoaster and I often sometimes forget to give myself a break. As I make the decision to go to a birthday party alone with Logan I only think about him, and the fact that he should have fun; however, I often forget that I can be "fragile" or "emotional" at times and something so slightly can trigger me to get upset in an instance. 
This happened yesterday. I don't need to go into much details besides that I could tell that another parent and I wernt seeing eye to eye while all the kids were playing. I used to beable to just brush it off, and be so confident, but yesterday it just hit me. I felt my heart pounding, and I knew that it was time to go. I made my appearance, Logan had fun, but I just didn't feel well emotionally. I didn't know this parent at all, and I'm sure it was fine; however, maybe if things were different I wouldnt have got so upset inside. 
I did what I usually do when I get upset and called one of my besties to just "listen to me cry. "It's not fair I said...why can't things be back to normal". I realized "normal" for me is being with the friends and family that understand. Being with others who know you and make you feel better. That phone call or text you received from someone that knows you can make you feel better instantly. 
Later in the day I did what I knew would make me feel better and spent time with my friends that are family. There was no judgement there as I could talk, and get it all out. I kind of feel silly at times to get as upset as I do; however, I often need to give myself a break, and give myself some le-way. It's just hard, because I have always been the "confident" and "strong one" and when things are different it just bothers me.
Thank you to all my "besties", "friends that are family", and my hubby for turning my day around. Sometimes it's the little words that make you realize that it's ok to have a bad day, and your aloud not to be so strong at times. 
This is my new "normal" and as I go through life I must remember that the "sparkle" is always watching over us, and wants her mommy to keep on going. I've said it once before and I'll say it again, "it's ok to fall, but once you do make sure you get back-up, and try to find the sparkle that shines so bright and makes you happy one day at a time. 

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