Friday, August 14, 2015

A rollercoaster of emotions

I never really understood "grief" until I've had to experience it myself. People have said that it just hits you like a ton of bricks, and that any moment something can just make you cry. 
I often can't explain the right words of how I actually feel at times when it just hits me, or why I'm actually crying. I've just been told to let it out, and try not to hold it in. 
I often explain grief as a "rollercoaster" of emotions. You have so many highs and often many lows. You go from having a great day to having a complete breakdown, because you found yourself thinking about what you miss the most-my baby girl.
Yesterday was a good morning as Logan and I had such a good time in Plymouth with friends. Logan smiled, laughed, and enjoyed the sun and water. All was well until the ride home. I felt like I was at the top of my rollercoaster having a great time, and then it hit me. I just became so sad, and all I wanted to do was cry. I just missed Sydney, and always will. The pain was all I could take, as I pulled over to Sydneys area and just cried. I'm not embarrassed to say I cried, because it's the only thing that made me feel better. After I had a good cry, and talked it out with my besties I felt better. I was off my rollercoaster for now. 
I often say it's "unfair" and that's comptely "true". No one should have to go through the pain of grief, as it's just not fair. This isn't fair, but I need to continue to take each day as it comes. Yes I am strong, but even the strongest person has its weakest moments. Yesterday was mine, and it's ok. It's alright to cry, it's alright to not be strong, and it's ok to have a bad day. This rollercoaster will be a ride I'll be on forever, and it's going to have its ups and downs. One day at a time, and deep breaths, as we remember the sparkle each day.

No comments:

Post a Comment