This is real life, real feelings, and real pain

Sometimes it's hard for me to actually explain the feelings of a broken heart. The pain comes on so quickly and pounds on your chest, until you stop what your doing, take a deep breath, and breathe out the negative emotions.

Lately the pain is imaginable. It comes on so quickly, and I often get blown away with the pain that has occurred. 

I often talk about being strong...and there is no other option than that; however, lately the pain is so bad that I often feel like being strong is harder and harder.

It's the little moments when I look at a picture of her, speak her name, look at Logan and see her, or relieve a moment that she was part of.

I want everyone to know how amazing she was, and I do my very best at that. I have so many videos, and pictures to relive the memories of our precious baby girl. How could this have happened? This isn't real life...and tomorrow I'll wake up and you'll be here again saying, "mamma mama" or dancing around with your piggies while you listened to your favorite song.

This is real life, real emotions, and real pain. No one should ever have to go through this. I write my blog, because it gives others a glimpse into "my reality". Although others often don't know how your feelings; this is a way to let them in. It's a snapshot of what a broken heart feels like. 

I try to think about when the "pain" will subside, but know it never will. The pain of losing Sydney will always be there, but will just get easier over time to deal with. Today and every day I think of you Sydney, and know you give me the strength to carry on, because I have too. Life isn't fair, but as I've learned you take one day at a time. Spreading your sparkle is the only thing I can do that makes the heartache rest, and I will continue to do this each and everyday as the heartache goes on.