Painting a wall

Sometimes I wonder about the grieving process; like how do you go from such a high to such a low in a moment of seconds. Although I know it's normal and  deal with the pain I still wish I wouldn't have to go through this. 

Most of the time I get really upset on the weekends lately when it's "family" time. I pause for a second as I'm driving in the car wishing Sydney was there, or when we are doing something together in or outside the house that reminds me of Sydney.

Yesterday we painted a wall in our bedroom, and wanted help from Logan. He loves to paint and get messy; typical boy. As Shane and Logan started to paint together, I stood back for a second. Can't believe Sydney isn't here. She would have loved to paint, and get messy. Shane wrote both Sydney and Logans name on the wall as a special moment for us, while Logan painted next to it. 

As I stepped away the pain does subside for the moment, but can come back at any second. I think the hardest thing for me lately is the realization that she's not coming back, and I would do anything to have her back here even for just a second. Yes...the signs are the best, and I know she is around all the time, but the realization that I can't hold my baby girl one more time is the most devastating feeling. 

 I know that these bumps in the road are only temporary, and we will be alright, because we have to be. As we approach 3 months this week I know time will heal as we take one day at time.