Last night was probably one of the top 10 hardest things I've done since my baby girl has passed away. I honored one of my besties with a "sprinkle or little babyshower" for Leanne who is welcoming a baby girl into this world in July. Now most people would probably think I was insane for doing this, but this was something I had to do for Leanne, and her little baby girl on the way. This was going to be Sydneys little best friend; that was the plan, and even though the plan got turned upside down I had to do my best to fill the night with pink, sparkles, sweet treats, and lots of love.
Although Sydney wasn't here she made sure that her presence was known at the end of the night when her mama needed her the most.
Towards the end of the night I took a minute to myself and gathered my thoughts while everyone else was in the other room. I was filled with so many mixed emotions, but held it together, because I had too. I walked back into the other room and asked someone to take a picture, and they told me my phone wasn't working correctly and all my pictures were coming out blury. I took my phone back, cleaned off the camera lens, and then turned my phone off and on again. It wasn't until I turned my phone back on that I noticed something. I had opened up the pictures I had took that night and deleted the five that were blurry. Following those picture was a picture that made me shake my head twice, and rub my eyes. It was the last picture I had took of Sydney, and it wasn't a "screen shot", which means I didn't click on it to retake a picture again, because it would have said today's date not March 10th.
How on earth did that picture get there, and how is it the last picture that I have on my phone is my baby girl. I would have had to scroll back atleast two months to get this picture.
It was a Sydney Sign- she wanted her mama to know that everything was going to be alright, and that even though she wasn't here she was going to let her mama know that she was.
Sydney knew her mama was having a hard time, and wanted me to be alright for myself, my bestie, and her little girl on the way.
Like any night that is full of emotions I had to end my roller coaster with a mini breakdown. I was so happy that Sydney was there in spirit, and came through on my phone, but was so upset that she wasn't physically here.
It was only natural for me to have a moment where I couldn't breathe, and my emotions got the best of me. Life is always going to be difficult, and will probably get harder before it gets easier. I will do my best to keep Sydneys legacy alive and tell Leannes baby girl everything I can about Sydney! Her sparkle will live on and our friendship will grow stronger. It's not the original plan that we had, but there's got to be a new path. One thing that I'm sure is that Sydney was there last night for sure, and will keep on visiting when needed. She wants her mommy to know everything will be alright as the sparkle lives on in others she knows and hasn't met yet.
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