Fathers Day 2015

As another holiday approached us I knew that it wasn't going to be easy; next up Fathers Day! This time it was my job to try to make the best of a day that was going to be extra hard for Shane and myself.

Of course the forecast didn't help that there was going to be downpours all day, and we all know how the rain can make you feel down already, so that was a strike against the day before it even started.

There's something about Fathers Day that I found to be extra hard yesterday. The fact that Shane was going to be extra upset yesterday put a knife through my heart. We started the day by Logan giving his presents to daddy, and then made our way to breakfast. After we  went to breakfast we went by to see Sydney and that was pretty much the turning point of the day.

To see your husband, life partner, and best friend stand outside your child's grave is something you never ever should have to see. It's just not fair. Shane is one of the nicest people there is, and to see the pain that he was feeling as the rain poured down on him was awful.

I did all I could to comfort him as I had to comfort myself. All I could say was, " I think we're going to be ok" like he said to me a few weeks back.

We took Logan to see his first movie later in the day; "Inside Out" which was a movie about your emotions- pretty ironic. The movie talked about making special memories in your life. I always try to find a connection, and there it was. Remember the memories, and remember all the good times we had.

As the day ended the sun came out, we grabbed icecream, and then came home to plant a flower in Shanes new Fathers Day pot. 

To be honest as the day ended I felt worse. I thought I'd feel better since it was a great day, but all my emotions came out. I was angry, sad, and mad that Sydney wasn't  here. I was so mad that Shane had to feel this way today and forever. Why...why is the question that always circles through my mind? Why us...why Sydney?

And as the tears began to flow, I laid in bed and asked Shane if he had a good Fathers Day. He said, "Yes"! Another holiday done, and another day without Sydney. Fathers Day just like Mothers Day will be hard every year, but I'm sure overtime it get easier. We did the best we could yesterday, as we tried to make new memories, while focusing on the old ones that made us cry, and laugh at the same time. I know it was a rough day Shane but I hope Logan and I tried to make you smile, and you had a good day.

     Sydney will always be your little girl