Mommy and Lo-Lo

For the past two years all I've known is how to be a mommy of two. A twin mom. I've learned to separate my time, and share my love equally with Logan and Sydney. Since Sydney has passed people have often asked, "is it easier with just one", and my response is "no". My body doesn't know any better and my mind thinks that I need to take care of two kids when there is only one present. Yes I will always be a "twin mommy" but when reality sets in its just "mommy and Logan".

I try so hard to do the best I can with just Logan. I want him to enjoy life, experience new things, and make new memories while focusing on those in the past.

To be honest at times I'm often scared to do something "fun" with Logan alone, because I don't know if something will set me off. Most of the time I am good, and smile with him because he makes me so happy.

Yesterday we went to the Roger Williams Park and Zoo area. I did all I could to keep that smile going, laugh with Logan, and enjoy the moments that we were creating. Bailey (who babysits Logan and is a close family friend) came with us, and helped me capture the moments, and make Logan smile. 

Before leaving the zoo we had found the butterfly exhibit. The only thing that made me think of Sydney- butterflies! We need a picture of this I said. 

At the end of the day when we drove home it's hard to focus on reality. We had an amazing day; with laughs, smiles, and tons of new memories; however, my heart still aches that Sydney couldn't be there. I'm doing everything I can to make it an amazing summer, but it's so hard, because I know Sydney would love everything we're doing. 

I will continue to make it the best summer possible with lots of love, laughter, and memories with friends, and friends that are family.

This won't be easy, but I know Sydney wouldn't want it anyother way. She would want her brother to be happy, smile, and enjoy each day with those that love him so much.