Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Silencing the sparkle

Since being back at school I often find myself emotionally different than when I'm at home, or how I was this summer. 
Everyone knows about our story, and I usually am an open book, but since being back at school I often have to close that book up. I have to practice boundaries with students, and their families. My staff and friends at school all know how I feel, and do their best to help me through the days. 
Today I had a tough day. I had a student pull at my necklace and say, "wow she's pretty" to Sydneys picture. I just replied with "thank you". Later that afternoon a parent walked into my classroom and admired all the pictures I had of Sydney and Logan. The parent said, "are those both your kids. They are so cute". I responded normally with "yes", because I  will always have two kids even if Sydney is gone. 
I wanted to so badly tell this parent that I had lost my daughter, because it's only normal for me to talk about it; however I have to worry about boundaries. 
I can't say that I only have one kid and I can't say that my daughter passed away. It's hard very hard but I try to adapt.
When I'm at school I play a different role then I do at home. I'll always be a grieving mom no matter what my role is. All I can do is continue to spread that sparkle far and wide like I'm doing. There's always going to be days that are harder than other's, and situations that I'll be faced with. Today was one of them. 

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