Sunday, April 12, 2015

How's Lo-Lo?

One of the first things that Shane and I thought of after Syd has passed was, "how are we going to tell Lo-Lo" what are we going to do with him?
The day after Sydney had passed we sent Logan to daycare. He goes to a homedaycare where he is familiar with his friends and it's small enough that he can get the attention that he needs. When he got home he came home with a butterfly picture, and walked up and down the hallway saying, "where Ne-Ne go."
As the days went on he would look around and ask for her. As parents we didn't no where to begin, so we decided to tell Lo-Lo that Ne-Ne was up in the sky and to blow kisses to her. I've reached out to a lot of places for Logan as to what else I should do. Most places say that he's to young, or he might not understand. I disagree...he totally knows and understands. He's smart, and he's a twin.
Shane and I do our hardest to grieve ourselves but also help him. Every morning he likes to look at videos and pictures of him and Syd. He hasn't asked where Ne-Ne went in a few weeks, but references her all the time. I honestly believe that she's with him at times or he can see her when we can't. 
The saddest part for us is to watch that emptiness in the backseat of the car. I notice that at times he stares out the window and just is quiet. What is he thinking? To be inside to be inside of the mind of a 2 year old.
Yesterday we drove by to see Sydney as we do this everyday. We rolled down Logans window and we told him to blow Ne -Ne a kiss in the sky... and that he did. Followed by a wave and saying, bye bye Ne-Ne. 
It breaks my heart at times, but it's our job as parents to remind him of his twin and to not stop life. We have to be strong for him and that's what Syd would want.
We took Logan for the first time yesterday to a parent and play group. This was extremely hard for me, but it was something I had to do. Logan had a blast and was smiling from ear to ear. I was smiling on the outside as I snapped pictures, but beneath that smile was pain. Syd would have been in this group, and I had to look at all the other little girls in the group. I'm just being honest and I believe it's only natural to have that pit at times when you see another child that could resemble Syd; however I just move forward. We then took Logan out to abother Party where he had fun again. People asked questions to me, or they would look at me and wisper privately to others. I'm sure people don't know what to say and mean well.
After people hear my story and how im doing at that moment they start to feel better. I'm getting out there because of Logan, because it wouldn't be right if I didn't. Today we're off to another party one that is very close to us. It's our first multiple party and its at the same place were we were going to have Syd and Logans Bday. I've been asked many times if I'm going, and continue to say the same thing. Yes...I have to for Logan. He can't miss out. I'll walk through that door put a smile on my face and let Logan enjoy. I know that Syd would be there in spirit as I hope I see a sparkle or a piece of glitter somewhere to remind me of her. Here's to a great day today where Logan can have another fun day, remember his sister, and be with many friends.
Lo-Lo loves you Ne-Ne


  1. You are an amazing mom. Since your blog, I notice more bows and glitter everywhere. Whether, I didn't notice before or there really is more... Not sure. But, I didn't know Sydney well other than our one baby date and our FB chats, but she is in my thoughts constantly and has made me a better mom .

  2. We are looking forward to seeing you and Logan today--with piggies for Syd.

    You are strong. You are brave. You are courageous, and you are the best Mommy to Lo-Lo and Ne-Ne-- today and always.

  3. Heather you are an inspiration to all of us because most of us couldn't be that strong to keep going like you do. We can all see how much your holding in to provide happiness to Logan. Your doing an amazing job....I'm sure he misses Syd tremendously. ...but he's lucky to also have you and Shane's strength to do all these wonderful things to keep him strong too. I'm sure it's always going to be painful to see little girls who remind you of Syd...or what she would be doing if she was by your side...that's only natural. Take time to also grieve and take care of you and Shane. I'm still praying for you all. Your strength and smiles amaze me everyday....most amazing mama I know! #pinkbows. # sec