All was well until we went to visit Syd on the way home. I wanted to go put a pinwheel at her area, while Shane sat in the car with Logan. I stood back and asked Shane if this was a good spot, and pushed it in the ground. Syds area is starting to be covered with lots of mementos that others have left and we have left. From bows to pink flowers, and butterflies you sure know which one is hers if you knew Sydney.
As I walked back to the car Shane started to cry which made me start to cry. No one wants to see your husband crying. I asked Shane why he was so sad. He said were not suppose to be here why do we have to be here? The pain took over me and I couldn't stop crying. He was right why were we here? Why do WE have to visit our daughter at a cemetery everyday? Why do we have to worry about what needs to go in her area and will it blow away or break? These are the questions that won't be answered.
As we drove home I spit out all the bad emotions and just said to Shane we were going to be alright. This is not what we had planned, and this is our new life for now. Do I like my new life now...no I miss Syd and would trade anything to have her back.
When upset I told Shane I couldn't go back to the cemetery with him...that was a lie. Shanes my parter for life and even though we never ever thought we'd have to go through this we have each other.
Today's a new day and we move on. As a family of 3 we will continue to all wear our chucks in support of Syd. Anything to remind us of the beautiful Spunky Syd that she was. Today and everyday we thank everyone who sees things that remind them of Syd big or small. She was an amazing little girl and as always her spirit will live on!!!!!
♡♡☆☆
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