Reopening a wound

It's hard to believe that almost 7months have gone by since our baby girl has passed. Each day and each month that goes by is just as hard to deal with. The night Sydney passed away the officer that came to the house had to take a few of her belongings in her crib, which included her stuffies and her sheet. I never thought much about receiving this stuff back and just tucked it in the back of my mind. 

We received a phone call a few days ago that her stuff was ready to be given back. How hard could this possibly be I thought? Yesterday evening a gentleman came by with her belongings. I took the bag and opened it up. I was ok until I had flashbacks. The gentlemen said he didn't know how I was doing it and apologized for our loss.

That's right our loss...the loss that won't be back. The wound that was reopened. I decided to save her stuffies and give them to Logan, or if he didn't want them I'd put in a safe place. 

Either way the pain that endured after the guy left was overwhelming. I couldn't breathe, was so upset, and just cried and cried and cried to Stephanie; one of my best friends who was on the phone with me. I always explain how I feel on the blog, but the pain that endures in that brief amount of time is unexplainable. I felt awful for the rest of the night. My body hurt and my heart hurt. It's not fair, and definitely so painful to reopen the wound of that tragic night again.