Yesterday was the first time Shane and I had to relive the whole night over again. This was the first time that we had to go through detail after detail of that night. We were speaking with a specialist to discuss the "unknown" factor of Syds passing at this time. It takes a long time to figure things out, and truthfully we might not know or if we do it can take awhile.
As I sat there and listened to Shane talk I I felt my emotions go everywhere. I was so proud of him and both of us for talking about what happened, but also sick to my stomach that we had to bring this back. Reality had hit...so painful as I talked about the most beautiful, spunky little girl. The one word I repeated over and over was...PERFECT...she was just PERFECT!!!
I've tried so hard over the last 6 weeks to not think about the unknown for Logan. To be honest I'm scared out of my MIND! I've always been a brave parent and never parented out of fear; however, when you relive that tradigic night you can't help your mind from going in overload.
The unknown is a good and a bad thing. Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball that could have told me what the future was going to hold; however that's not reality.
My message today isn't to scare anyone because that's not my intention at all. I say what I feel, and get my emotions out. Parenting out of fear wasn't and can't be an option moving forward. I know, and others know that Shane and I did our very best with Sydney and continue to do our best with Logan. All you can do is wake up everyday and move forward, be the best you can be, and look back and smile. It sure is hard to take a step forward at times with Logan, but I know Sydney wouldn't want it anyother way.
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