Many different feelings all inside

I was going to start this blog with, "you know the feeling when...", but decided that their my feelings, and most people don't understand what's going on in my mind or my heart at times. Friends, family, and others listen, but they can't feel the hurt you physically have. No one actually can take those feelings away and say, "I 100% understand", unless they've been through something exactly the same as you. In this situation I would hope that no one ever goes through what we have endured in the last year and a half. 

I've been up since 4:00am today trying to settle my heart down, and take care of these feelings that have been masked for awhile. The overcoming feeling of bringing a new life into this world again after losing a child is beyond explainable. I'm scared, worried, nervous, happy, and probably a whole bunch of other feelings all jumbled up into one. Will I beable to be the best mother I can be? Can I handle the heartache of losing Sydney and remembering her daily, while also loving Maddox and Logan? Seems like a lot for one person to endure. It's scary that's for sure, and like most days I do get by; however, some are harder then others. Today was one of them.