Back-and-forth emotions

Since Sydney has passed away my life and emotions are in a constant balancing act. I try to juggle how my mind feels and balance it with my heart all at the same time.  I want nothing but the best for the people in my life that when I hear such wonderful news I am over the moon excited, yet my heart always takes a turn back to grieving mode. It's like I have a "devil" and an "angel" on my shoulders constantly. It's the only relation I can make to the balancing act that I feel. My mind tells me one feeling, but my heart says another. The constant back-and-forth is exhausting. Sometimes my mind tries to forget that I'm a grieving mother, but my heart once again choses to remind me daily of the little girl that isn't with me anymore. It's a constant battle.