"Pink1sparkles", oh how far we've come one year later. 365 posts later and we are still sparkling. Today's blog is such a special post for me. Now I've had a few special posts since I began this on April 3, 2015, but this one marks the importance of the "sparkle". This is my 365th post on this blog. I have officially posted every day since I dedicated myself a year ago.
I believed in myself and believed that I could keep the sparkle alive. With my blog I have reached so many people far and wide that I never have even met. Some of these people have privately contacted me and expressed there deepest gratitude with my writing. It has given so many people an inside look at me with no blinders on. I've been real, dark, bright, and never have let myself not tell the truth. I've said it from the beginning, and will continue to post and preach. 365 days of the sparkle will help other people through the grieving process. My blog has not only helped others, but has been my continued outlet with my emotions. I feel so much better letting my "sparklers" or supporters know how I'm feeling. I remember saying to myself before I started this, "I'm kind of tired with people asking me how I am doing." This was my way of letting people know, and opening my heart up.
Now people have asked me, "once you hit 365 post what will you do?" Well, my goal is to actually publish my blog and write a few chapters about Sydney, grieving, the twin bond, and were we go from here. I will continue to blog as it really helps me, and I believe people look forward to seeing how I'm doing. My next year of posts will focus a lot on "pregnancy after a death of a child". No one ever told me how to grieve, and now no one has told me how to process my emotions since becoming pregnant. I know more people might find a connection with losing a child, and I feel this might help.
I'm not a miracle worker by any means, but I am real. This is me and this is my life. Thank you for letting me reach out to you every day, and for believing in me. Thank you for always letting me sparkle a little brighter, and for not judging me on the darkest days. I know Sydney is so proud of her mama, and I'm proud of myself! This year has definitely been a whirlwind, but we are trying so hard to make it by.
With the love and support of everyone we are continuing to make Sydney proud.
As I end this blog I am going to leave you with my first blog post a year ago. I'm just so amazed at how far I've come. I'm not sure what the next year will bring, but I know more than anything there will still be sparkles, and that's all I need to get by.
A Special thanks though to my husband who had supported me since the beginning, grieves a little differently than me, but believes in me and us. Without him by my side I'm not sure where I'd be. Also lots of love and kisses to my little man and love "LoLo", who on the darkest days makes me smile, and remembers that Sydney is always with him!
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Hard to believe its been two weeks since our sweet baby girl Sydney has passed away and has left her twin brother, mommy, and daddy heartbroken. I thought long and hard about writing a blog about how I was feeling as her mom throughout the grieving process and what other people might think. People who know me know that I often worry about what others think or worry how others feel before myself. It's just my nature to worry about others and try to make everyone happy.
My goal of this blog is to be an extra strength for others who might have been affected by a similar tragedy, to let people know how I'm feeling, and to release my thoughts throughout this emotional roller coaster.
I can't promise that I will blog every day because I'm not sure how I'll feel; however, I can promise that I will get stronger each day. Words can't express the amount of support that we have received from friends, family, and people that we have never met. I know her sparkle and spunkiness will live on each day.
I believe Sydney had a mission that she wanted me to instill in others. It's my job as her mommy to teach that mission and touch other peoples lives big or small like Sydney did.
Two weeks down a life time to go. Sydney will never be forgotten and she will live on throughout her brother, each butterfly I see, tutu, and pink bow.
Here's to blogging and letting her sparkle shine! Sending lots do sparkles your way.
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