Are you ok?

Most people have a vision of what the grieving process looks like. Even though I've worked with kids in the past about grieving its very different when you are experiencing it first-hand. 

I've always been worried what others will think about me..from outfits that I wear to  things I might say, and to be honest the worrisome has increased as the grieving process has started. 

"Will people think I'm too positive when my face lights up about Sydney?""Will people wonder why I'm not crying or sitting in bed all the time?" What people don't really see is the inside pain, the hurt, and the feeling of emptiness in my heart. I've had many breakdowns in the last few weeks, which puts a tole on my body. I've also been very busy meeting with people and making personal touches for Sydney and Logan around the house. 

I am a busy person by nature so this tradegy has added an extra weight to my everyday load.

Some people would ask why I am out so much or why I want to go to so many outings still? That's just me. I just can't sit around. 

When I was out this weekend their was that feeling of judgement. I was wondering what people would think as I was smiling and speaking about Sydneys story. Some people were silent near me, as I believed they didn't know what to say. I believe talking about Sydney is the best medicine for me. I know I won't be able to hold back tears at times, but that's normal. It's the positive vibes from people that keep me going. It's the memories that people say about Syd. It's all the hashtags, or simple comments that people leave that make my heart start to feel well. Time will heal and I must move forward one day and step at a time. There might be bumps on the way, but I know Syd would want me to continue and keep her legacy moving on.

#pinkbows #tutus #piggiesforsyd #sparkle 🎀💕⭐️