No shame for this mama

I vowed to write a blog to help others and let them understand what life really looks like for a family who has lost a child. I have no shame in what we have done, and what decisions we have made as a family. I try to keep some things private and other things public, which give a good insight to how I'm feeling. Ever since Sydney has passed away I've tried to get myself back to some "normalcy", but what is normal? When Sydney passed away we had Logan sleeping with us, because we were so nervous of what could happen. Our nerves slowly went away and he was moved into a big boy bed; however, nerves and anxiety slowly came upon us again closer to his third birthday. There were times that we couldn't manage to have him not be with us. Fast forward to 3 weeks before Maddox is going to arrive, and the so called "let's try to be normal" hit us again. I thought it might be time to not worry about Logan sleeping alone as we have a new baby on the way. Total backfire on this mamas part. I listened to what others would suggest, and thought it was for the best, yet when it was actually our reality I almost had a massive anxiety attack, and couldn't stop crying. I ask myself, "why did the man up in the sky have to give us so much to worry about?" It's hard everyday, and especially not easy with a newborn coming into the picture. Last night I thought I was ready to let go of my anxiety, but quickly realized this mama still needs time. No shame in my game as we try to figure it all out. Lesson learned- if you fail try again. Things will take time, and everyone heals at a different pace.