And it just hits you

At any moment it can just hit you. I've talked about the pain that over comes your heart as you try to breathe and push through. 

Lately I've been having many moments like this, and I've learned that "it's ok not to be ok"; however, the feeling when it hits you just like that is just plain hard. 

I think about Sydney a lot, and sometimes usually more after a "big day" like the meeting on Friday.

Yesterday started out great as I watched my little fishy swim in the pool, laughed with friends that are family, and enjoyed a good time. Syds always on my mind, but at times I just look at Logan and he makes me often pause, and focus on how "amazing he is".

When I got home there was that "dreaded downtime" the time that Logan is napping, and I just sit in front of my computer to have "me time". Then it hits you as you look at your background on your laptop. That smiling face is no longer here, and the tears begin to come. "I miss her that's all" and no one can take the pain away. 

The pain comes and goes and never really subsides. I do what I can to power through and know that at any moment the pain can hit me again.