A picture that makes me sick

Occasionally I'll be doing something, and have to stop right in my tracks because I thought of Sydney. It's a very awful feeling that takes over your body. You might be feeling fine and all of a sudden you get a sick feeling, a pit in your stomach that doesn't go away. You realized she's not here. Everyday I think about Syd, but there are days when anything can trigger me to just feel sick. 

Does it mean I want to sleep in bed all day and pull the covers over my head...yes, but I don't. How I deal is just to stop what I'm doing, take a deep breath, and look to something that will divert me. 

Yesterday I knew exactly what triggered me. A picture from timehop. A picture of Sydney and her daddy. It's one of my favorite pictures that even gets me choked up writing about it. The question that goes through my mind is...WHY? It's not like you took something from me that could be replaced. She never will be replaced nor forgotten. It just SUCKS! There I said it... and nothing can bring her back. 

All we have is memories and hopes that we will continue to shine and sparkle for her. It's exhausting at times but this is the way it has to be. Pictures are painful, so painful, but there used to remember, and keep her sparkle going.