It's Minnie

Momma look it's Minnie and Mickey balloons for me and Ne-Ne...thank you Uncle Tio. I have to be honest Logan is a little Disney obsessed, and loves his Mickey and Minnie. Yesterday afternoon "You got a friend in me" came on the radio and we sang at the top of our lungs with each other for Ne-Ne. As the song came to an end we gave a kiss to the sky and said, "I miss you Ne-Ne...I love you Ne-Ne...we miss you" 

And as the day came to an end we kissed our Minnie and Mickey good night and hope that Sydney is looking down on us as we remember her every day

Oh...Timehop

There's this app that I use everyday that often leaves my heart filled with many mixed emotions. Time-hop flashes back to many photos and videos that were posted over the last few years. I often share the videos and photos that pop up and find myself proud and often sad at the same time.

One of the pictures that popped up yesterday was very special to me. Made me flashback almost 3 years ago to when we announced we were having "twins". 

3 years ago is a long time filled with many memories that will hold such a special place in my heart. Yesterday my heart hurt like usual. I was sad, mad, and just disgusted that my baby girl is not here. I've been told before it's ok to be honest, and that's what I will be. 

Life is NOT FAIR, and yesterday's  timehop reminded me exactly why my heart aches every day. Life is sure different 3 years later as we move on without our baby girl. 

Flashbacks that hurt my heart

There are days when I get flashbacks to the night you were taken away from us so tragically. Sometimes I can't get the terrible vision out of my head, and sometimes I realize that it's not a dream, and I'm going to wake up from a nightmare. It's those moments that take my breath away, and lead me to believe she's up in the sky sparkling to others that need her as much as I do. 

Reporting as Fairy Godmommy

Flash back to mid May 2013 in the middle of the doctors parking lot when I met another mom who had twins. After having a long conversation about how our twins were born in the same hospital 4 days apart we decided to keep in contact. Who knew the moment we exchanged numbers that we would be more than a friend but family...

Fast forward over two years and here we are...things have definitely changed and our friendship has been through a rollercoaster, but we find our friendship stronger then ever. We are now family. 

I was ecstatic to find out that my grownup BFF was having a girl for her third child, and over the moon that our little girls would be little besties. Tradgically all the hopes came to a screeching halt the day my little girl passed away. How was everything going to plan out? 

There's always a plan for everything in life, and whenever Kinsley Mae was born and I was asked to be her god mommy and fairy godmother that was the plan.

This bond that I will have with Kinsley is more than I ever wanted, and will help heal the broken heart. 

Yesterday was a very special day as I became Kinsleys fairy god mommy. I promise to fill your life with magic, sparkles, lots of tutus, bows, and many special memories of your angel bestie in heaven. She was pretty special Kinsley and I hope one day your mommy and I can sit down with you and explain all the good times we had with her. 

Here's to another chapter in our friendship Leanne and more pictures to our collection. Thank you for letting my family be part of yours as you are already part of mine. 

That's my sister

Yesterday was a first for Logan. We were on the way to go visit Sydneys area when Logan said, "there's my sister" as we pulled up to her gravesite. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but this just shows me that the twinbond will always be there, and that he understands and remembers so much!! Sydney is not only his best friend, twin, and ne-ne, but also his sister. Whatever he calls her the bond they have will always be there, as he remembers Sydney!!!

We all miss her very much, and I PROMISE to ALWAYS keep her sparkle alive and strong forever!!!

Lasting Impression

Yesterday was a first for me and something Shane has done before...getting a tattoo!! These tattoos that we got mean the world to us and will always have us remember the sparkle!!! 

For me: A bow, pink, sparkles, and a monarch butterfly symbolize my baby girl!!! Everytime I see this tattoo on my foot I will remember the sparkle that lives on! The pain wasn't easy but it was all worth it, as we now remember. 

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And now for daddy!! This one was hard for me, but holds such a special piece of Sydney...her handprints, angel wings, pink, and a heart on the middle of her daddies back...always remembered!!! 

Sydney would want nothing more to have her daddy have her hands in rememberance. Her two hands "will change the world" one sparkle at a time. Shanes is so detailed that his will take two days. In a few weeks he goes back for the color...pink, black, grey, and white  Here's a sneak peek:

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Here's to a date night that is special in many ways. A tattoo is permanent, but we wouldn't have it any way. We miss Sydney more than anything, and want to carry on her sparkle everywhere we go!!!!

Where did my sparkle go?

Yesterday was one of those rare days when I fell apart. I felt like I couldn't go on anymore, and that my heart was going to come out of my chest. The pain was more than I could handle as I pulled up to her area, called one of my best friends, and cried and cried and cried, until I couldn't catch my breath. 

I remember her saying, "Heather breathe", and I took a deep breath, and said, "I can't do this anymore"? At the moment the pain was unbearable, but I was just crying out my emotions. Somedays I just have these moments, and somedays I'm just real. This is me- A grieving mother who lost her daughter 6 months ago. It's only normal for me to have a day like yesterday.